Hurt affects us all at some stage in our lives, but some of us find it harder to deal with than others. For those individuals, when a hurtful incident begins to have a negative impact upon their daily life, then they know that it’s time to seek help, and thankfully, there are some steps that you can follow to help ease the pain:
Try to recognize the hurt – was it intentional or a misunderstanding?
Grounding yourself for a moment, perhaps by simply slowing down your breathing for a moment, will usually help you to recognize whether a hurtful comment or incident was intended to be as such, or whether it might have been the result of a misunderstanding. Once you’ve recognized the hurt for what it was, try not to let past hurt influence the way in which you respond, and instead try to think calmly about the whole situation.
Confront hurt in the right way:
It may be that you feel the need to confront the individual who has hurt you, and if so, try to calmly explain why you have been hurt, and allow them the chance to understand that and explain their own side of things. This is the quickest route to achieving mutual forgiveness.
You don’thave to be right (and neither do they):
When you’ve been hurt over what someone has said to you, try to distinguish between having a difference of opinion with that person, and the need to be right. Not agreeing over something is perfectly normal and both persons are entitled to their experience; the more you believe you are right and they are wrong, the longer the hurt may linger.
Be thoughtful if you have contributed to the hurt:
Not all hurts are one-sided, and if you feel that you may have played a part in the development of the hurtful situation, then be thoughtful and apologize for your actions. That said, be mindful of whether you are blaming yourself for causing hurt due to past pain of your own.
Don’t rush in and react without thinking:
This is sometimes way easier to say, than it is to do, but taking a step back and thinking rationally about what has happened can help you to evaluate things and choose your response. Others may inadvertently push certain buttons that past painful circumstances have caused you to develop, but resisting the urge to react without thinking gives you much better control over your behavior.
Build bridges wherever possible:
Reconciliation is often the best way to solve differences and heal pain, while being hostile and attacking others for upsetting you simply builds upon the pain and can make everything feel ten times worse.
Have limits that others respect:
Part of your personal power is to establish and maintain a set of healthy limits and ask others to please not disrespect or overstep.
Finally, it’s important to remember that you can learn to regulate your feelings and respond from a ground space to the actions of another, and that even if someone has hurt you, it does not need to affect your ability to lead a fulfilled life.
If you’re struggling with the pain of hurt now, or in the past, and want to learn how to deal with it, reach out to a qualified and professional counselor who can guide you through the process.
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