Video: Can I Tell You I’m Sad, Scared, or that I Love You, without Feeling Embarrassed?

Posted By: on May 20, 2015

Can I tell you I’m sad, or scared, or even that I love you, without feeling embarrassed? Can I tell you how I feel and stay open to you? Can I express my vulnerabilities without regressing into a place of shame?

For many of us, there are many occasions where we can share our vulnerability and hold on to a strong sense of ourselves,  expressing  our  sadness  while  still  feeling capable, valuable, and that we’re enough.

But  there  are  many  other  times  when  expressing  our vulnerability pushes us back into feelings of shame and embarrassment.

You  see,  when  we  were  young,  and  expressed  our feelings, sometimes we were rejected, or abandoned, or felt like there was no one there really understanding what we  were feeling and saying. So we developed ways to cope with our feelings that didn’t involve sharing them with others. We learned to do things that take us away from our feelings like being so busy that we don’t experience our own emotions.

But what if we didn’t do that? What if we slowed down and allowed  ourselves  to  be  aware  of  our  sadness  or disappointment, and anger, and scared?

And what if we took that one step further? What if we felt all  these  things,  and  then  shared  them  with  the  world around us?  

Could we share ourselves and our vulnerability and still hold   on   to   feeling   valuable,   without   becoming embarrassed or shamed?

The struggle we have here is this  one—if we were once humiliated in some way—by, say, our parents—when we expressed feelings as a kid—then we’re likely to be scared it will happen to us again.  

So  when  we  share  feelings,  a  loud  little  voice  inside shouts out something bad is going to happen, and that voice critiques ourselves for any vulnerability we may have shared.

So the hard work is to feel and share our vulnerability, and then to feel all that comes out of sharing our vulnerability—to  feel  that  internal  critical  voice—and  to  be compassionate to all those parts of ourselves,

I know for so many of us, our lives become very busy, and we make little room for expressing our needs, feelings, and other vulnerabilities? But what if we did slow down? What if we allow time for feelings and let them be some of the  most  important  parts  in  our  lives?  What  if  we  let ourselves live. Really live from all of who are on the inside. After all, that’s what we go to the movies for—to watch other  people  live,  And  see  their feelings.  What  if we became our own movie? our own protagonist?

If  we  reach  out  and  share  what  we  feel.  And  then  we practice the art of soothing our inner critic who scares us, we live a life of self-compassion and soothing, and a life of true courage and true kindness.

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