Setting Yourself up for Success in Marriage and Couples Therapy

Posted By: on July 26, 2014
photo of a couple standing on the beach with their children in the background



Entering into couples’ therapy is an important emotional investment. One way to help you get the best reward for the investment is to first – as a couple – determine your motivation(s) and goal(s) for therapy. Entering into therapy without some basic idea of what you want to achieve can delay or even prevent success.

Questions that Help

The following questions may help couples bring focus to their motivation(s) and set initial goal(s) that are attainable. Each person in the relationship can prepare by asking themselves the following questions. The individual desiring and requesting counseling will benefit from taking time to analyze their goals of therapy. When you come to your first therapy session, share your answers with your partner and your therapist, and discuss the expectations each has of each other.

  • What, if anything, do you want to change about yourself or your partner?
  • What, if anything, do you believe your partner wants to change about you or is willing to change about him/herself through counseling?
  • Do you believe the behaviors your partner wants from you are attainable?
  • Would you be able to stay in the relationship if you knew your partner would grow with you?

    Top 4 Reasons Couples go to Counseling

    The reasons couples enter into relationship counseling can be placed into four broad categories:

  • loss of trust
  • fear of not being enough
  • desire to fix their partner, and
  • feelings of isolation within the relationship.
  • All of these can be addressed in therapy with a therapist who is the right fit. A caring supportive therapist, who is a good fit for you and your partner, will guide, and celebrate, your growth

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    What Couples Therapy is – and What It’s Not.

    Therapy is not about changing our partners; it is about changing relationships. We can (1) change ourselves and our behaviors, and (2) impact our relationships through a genuine sharing of our feelings. Partners are often touched by hearing how they are impacting us, and then want to change of their own accord.

    What Your Couples’ Therapist Can (And Can’t) Do

    A therapist does not convince one person they are wrong and the other they are right. Instead, a therapist is there to support and help your growth as individuals and as a couple by engaging in the process of relational awareness and growth. Your therapist will help you understand just where your deepest struggles lie, how you are hurting each other, what is at the root of the struggle, and guide you to caringly engage with each other and yourself in order to create the necessary changes to rekindle tenderness and passion. A list of some of the many issues that couples counseling can help with is found here.

    What We Can Do NOW

    Heart-Centered Counseling’s therapists are ready to help you grow as an individual and and as a couple, in a caring supportive environment. We invite you to give us a call today to rekindle tenderness, passion, and friendship in your relationship.

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