Editor’s Note: This is part 52 of Marie’s Story, continued from An Intervention and My Opinion
Quite a while back, my friend David wrote a comment about how what was going on in the minds of our parents as they heaped abuse upon us is not so important. The important thing is that we understand they gave us misinformation about who we are. And now, as adults, we have the power to assimilate new and more accurate information. I think I’m starting to “get” this concept now.
In other news, I have a significant block of open time today. There are things I should be doing, but what I really want to do is something organizational. Putting together a detailed plan of action (or some other “getting-organized” activity) always gives me a charge. Maybe I should allow myself to do that so I can feel better and so I feel more like doing the other mundane stuff like paying bills and sending account updates.
Then, it hit me: I have lived most of my life bouncing between being charged-up by the act of getting organized and being stuck by a lack of effective execution of my detailed plans. Within that back-and-forth pattern, I’ve not had space for joyful activities.
Now, I’m starting to have moments of true joy, and I should focus on creating more opportunities for these joyful experiences. I am starting to see that the organizational stuff helps with that only to some extent. Then, it becomes a way to avoid the absence of feeling charged up.
I think this is the first time I have realized there is a difference between feeling charged and being joyful.